My Empty Nest

For anyone who is a first child, or an older sibling, there was probably a day where your parents sat you down to tell you that mommy is pregnant and that you are going to be (in my case) a big sister.


I don't remember the day this happened to me, but I'm sure that my parents communicated to me that I was going to have a very important job of looking after my baby sister. They probably gave me a book to help explain the changes that were to come and what being a big sister entails.

There are books parents can buy to help them through different developmental stages in their children's lives, and books that help them deal with siblings that aren't getting along.

And when this time finally comes, there are books available for parents to help them cope with their children going off to college. Describing how things will change, and how to adjust to the changes that will take place.

They don't make books for big sisters telling them how to deal with their little growing up and going away to college.

I chose to go to a college in the same state as my family because 1) I got a full ride to any in-state school, and 2) I wanted to be near them still.

I knew that being near them would make the transition much easier on everyone. And I have loved being able to be near my family still.

My parents are going to have an empty nest, but they don't have to go through the "mourning" process that most empty nesters have to go through because they have me, the one who stayed.
Me, the one who does have to go through the mourning process because nobody told me that 1/3 of that nest was going to up and leave one day.

I was the oldest meaning I got to decide whether or not the little was ready for me to be gone. So I thought I was going to be the only one who ever got to make a choice, and my choice was - hey lets all just stay near each other.

When I left for college, my big sister job status went form "working overtime" to "working full time."
And now that the little sister is leaving for college I'm going from "working full time" to "working very part time."

And I'm not sure I can continue to make a living with these hours. 

Most employers give you a heads up that your hours are going to get cut before it happens, give you support and help you cope and perhaps find another job if you aren't going to be able to support yourself with the hours that they can give you. But I was not given this warning. It happened out of nowhere. Granted I was given 18 years, but I was oblivious to the fact that my duties weren't going to be required as much.

I don't know if younger siblings are ever explicitly told, which makes it really special when they do finally come to know, that they have a duty too. But there comes a day where the little sibling has to start looking out for the big sibling.

I'm just now realizing this might be why there is a difference between first borns and the youngest (when there are only two). For the first borns - they take you at your most vulnerable time of your life and tell you that you are going to have a job for the rest of your life to take care of your baby sister. This is something that you have known your whole life and feel obliged (happily obliged) to carry out your job per your parents instructions. As a first born I have been dependent on this title for basically my whole life.

And the youngest ones, they get to find this out for themselves. They realize that as they get older, the oldest one is also going to need some looking after. This is why the youngest can be independent. The baby comes into the world with no duties, nobody to look after other than themselves. They learn about their job when they have grown enough to realize that the oldest is actually in need of a "big sibling."  They come into their role on their own. They don't do it because their parents told them to. They weren't always defining themselves as the one who had to be the stronger one. They were the baby, they could do what they wanted and could be carefree.

This is why my sister has the ability to leave the nest cause lets be honest, I didn't really leave, and I don't think I have the ability to leave, nor do I want to.

My sisters senior year was not an easy one. Nobody makes it out of high school with out some tales of battle, but her senior year alone was more tolling than what most others go though in their four years of high school.

If you have talked to me about my sister leaving for college, I've probably told you that she's not ready. That I don't think she will be able to do it on her own.

But I am basing this entirely off my experiences. I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. I wouldn't have been strong enough. I was not ready to leave. And I am also probably saying she's not ready because in all actuality, I am nowhere near ready for her to leave.

I can think of no reason for why Haily had to have such a rough senior year, other than it was preparing all of us for her leaving the nest. It was testing her to see if she had the strength to take whatever life put on her plate. And it was proving to us that she indeed would be ready to take on the world, even if we weren't on duty full time anymore.

I feel like I have grown so much closer to my sister in the past three years/since I moved out. As we've gotten older in age, the more we can relate to each other; the more I feel like we are friends.
This year we have spent many weekends hanging out together because neither of us had anything else to do. And we never early did much, but I have loved those nights.

I don't want to miss out on all the opportunities I would have to grow closer to her if she were to stay in state and hang out with me at ASU for a year before she decided to go off to California for college. But I am coming to realize that I would be keeping her from opportunities she has to grow on her own. I don't want her to need us and her not be able to have us at her side in 30 minutes. But this is growing up, and both her and I are going to learn how to be in a long distance sister relationship.

If you ask me now about my sister going to college, I will tell you that I believe with all my heart that my sister is strong enough to go live in California on her own. She is the strongest girl I know.

No matter what, my sister is always going to need me (I just am always going to need her to need me).  Even if my job is only part time, I am going to be the best part timer the world has ever seen. And now when we do get to see each other after being apart, the time will be even more special.

I love you little fist and know you will do great things at Point Loma. 

The Bestie Birthday

PS -  I made this (:

So todays is a really important day. Its my best friends birthday. 

We aren't your typical best friends. 

Most girls that are best friends fight all the time - we have maybe had 3 fights in the 4+ years we've been besties. One of them may or may not have been about who got to be the prettiest disney princess...

Only because it was entirely necessary to have these photos resurface

We both know sign language and can sign to each other about you in front of your face and you will be clueless as to what it is we are saying.


I fell in love with her a long time ago but the day I knew that we were going to be best friends for a really long time is when she told me she made wishes on my eyelashes for me. Seriously, it melted my heart.

One time she had to give an impromptu speech about someone she admired and she gave that speech about me. Is that not the cutest thing you've ever heard?!

We park in parking lots to have full on jam sessions to Lady Gaga. We have decided that we are too perfect to be stable so we are the newest unstable element on the periodic table. And I don't think we have ever experienced a normal day together. 

She is the strong one and I'm the one who cries for the both of us. She thinks the only reason I wanted to be friends with her was so I could pick her split ends. 

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I contribute to the relationship other than my unconditional love for her. Actually, I can clean/organize pretty well -  so I've got that to offer. Well I mean I guess I know that something magical happens when we are together and we become this one super-being that everyone loves and hates at the same time. They love us because well, we are us. And they hate us because they know that they won't ever be as incredible as we are. 

We happen to be perfect. Go ahead look at the pictures and tell me we aren't perfect. I dare you. If you happen to feel that we aren't perfect then you are wrong. End of discussion.

So now she is 21 and old and I have to wait about a year until I can go out with her ): but anyways - Lindsay (: I hope you are having an amazing birthday and I can't wait to see you when you come home. We will do wonderful winter time things and be all cute and stuff. 

Brian (her boyfriend) made it into the post too cause he's just as awesome as she is 

So I just came to realize that you are more than likely the product of a valentines day adult sleep over.

Incase you never thought about that, now you have. 

You're welcome.

Follow your dreams. But not your heart?

When we are little we always are told that we can be anything our little heart desires. We are told to chase our dreams and to never let anyone get in the way of them. So we dream up the biggest dream we can think of and let it grow inside of us for years and years. 

So we go through life with all these adults telling us that we shouldn't let anyone stand in the way of what we want to become. When people tell us we aren't good enough most of us have someone there to tell us that isn't true. They tell us that we are amazing and that we WILL indeed be whatever it is we want to be. 

But theres something huge thats left out. 

They don't tell us that one day theres going to be a fork in the road.

That we might meet someone and fall in love. 

They don't tell us that sometimes the dreams clash. 

The thing we have desired our whole lives might not be the thing that will fulfill our hearts longings. 

They don't tell us about the marvel of love or that it could be a dream we have that is just as big as the other things we have been aspiring for our whole lives. 

And I mean, it makes sense to leave it out because when they tell us this we are far too young to be thinking about marriage.  We obviously are aware of love and know we want it. How often do we hear about little girls dreaming up their weddings for when they meet Prince Charming. 

But nobody really tells us that Prince Charming has his own dreams too. Or that our dreams might not leave much time for a family. 

Never have I been told to dream within a certain proximity that will leave room for a family one day. 

But why not tell us that?
I mean for me - my parents are in love; clearly they chose love to be their dream. And I know my parents are happy with their choice. They are very happy. My mom left her dream job in California to come to Arizona with my dad because he had to retire from his dream job because of an injury. She misses her job sometimes. But in the battle between dreams; love won. 

The first time we have to face this problem is when we are graduating high school and are in a relationship with someone we really love. 
Do we go to the same college? 
Who's college do we choose? 
The one that is my dream or the one that is their dream? 

And then it happens again when we are graduating form college. 
If one is graduating before the other is the one who graduated supposed to stick around and wait?
What if one of us wants to go to grad school?
What if the job that I want is in a different place from the job that they want? 

And how do the people who have told us to "always follow our dreams" react to our new found dream dilemma? 

"Yes, however, not following 'your dreams' can bring regret and blame later. She is so young... If they are meant to be together, then they will, later."

But what if they are meant to be together now. When you are apart there is nothing stopping them from falling in love with someone else. And also things happen when you are growing sperately as people. When you grow together, you have an influence on how they are growing. You get to talk about dilemmas and things you see that they might need to work on. And if you go apart and think in 4 year you will be back together, theres going to be so many things that have changed in both people. 

Maybe things will work out after the 4 years apart, but there will always be things that happened in the time apart that you might've wanted to experience with them. Things that you might not like but just learn to accept because you love them. And also there could be hurt from being lonely that goes away but hurt is nothing anyone wants even for a short period of time. 


"But I wasn't gonna change my life to stay with someone. Cause if someone asked me to do that obviously they don't love me."

Really? Do they really not love you because they want you to be together. I would be more upset if someone didn't even want to have a conversation about the possibility of it. 

Maybe you have always seen having your dream job in a certain state. And someone wants you to move to a state thats different from the one you have wanted all along. Well... Can you have your dream job in a different state? If yes then why not compromise. Can you go to a different college and get an education that would be just as good as the college you planned on going to? 

And most of the time when you are the one making the decision you can see that - you know you can do it somewhere else. But the way people react, to us making that decision, is so negative. They say it is unhealthy to feel that way. To be planning our lives around someone else. 

But we crave love. As humans its something that we have deep in our roots. 

And half of our parents got married when they were maybe 20 years old. 
And half of them are still happily married. 
Yet, they still tell us that they don't want us to be compromising on our dream. That they think we aren't making a good choice. 

Why isn't this new dream as important as our old dream. My parents want me to have kids one day. But if I also know that they would be upset if I compromised my dream so that I could be with someone else. 

And I am really frustrated with this. 
They preach to us that love conquers all. But they tell us that our dream of love isn't as important as the dream that we developed when we were 5. 

Any other things we come up with when we are 5 would now be deemed as silly. But the thing we call our dream is held as the most important thing we have ever come up with. 

This behavior is what breeds workaholics. We are told that the job we wanted our whole life is the most important thing to achieve, and love comes second. So we don't balance work and family. This effects other peoples lives. Our spouses, our children. If your spouse chose love over their dream job and you chose your dream job over love, then thats when you start having regret and blame. But this is only happening because everyone is telling us to choose love second. 

We wonder why our society has so many divorces. We have been raised in a way that breeds this doubt about love. That it won't last and it won't be the thing to give you happiness. And this is so dumb. Because there is nothing else that will bring you the kind of happiness that can be found in love. 

I believe in love with all my heart. I believe that love is the most important thing to have and that every person deserves to know how amazing love is. So I might be a little biased in this. But why cant people be ok with others planning their life around love. 

Obviously sometimes people will give up everything for someone else and THAT is unhealthy. But nobody sees the difference between compromise and complete loss of desire for anything else in life. It is all considered the same. It is all considered unhealthy. 
And obviously the choice to follow love might not always turn out to be what you wanted it to be. The love might not last. But at least you gave it a chance. 

You hear about the one that got away. And everyone knows when somebody has a person in their life who can be labeled as that. Chances are you're not going to ever get them back. But school is going to be there forever. You can always move to the state you wanted to live in all along. You can always go get the job you dreamed of years ago. But you might not always be able to find a love like the one you once knew. 

Remember to follow your dreams and to also follow your heart
- dyl

Myths About Suicide

Dr. Thomas Joiner is a psychologist at the University of Florida and he has studied suicide all of his professional career. The article is really informative and has really given me a new perspective. I highly encourage you read the whole thing 

He lost his father to suicide but instead of saying his father killed himself he says "this thing killed my father"

 "He did kill himself, and there's no denying that. People who kill themselves, though, are influenced in doing so by mental illnesses, and these illnesses themselves are widely misunderstood, subject to many myths. But make no mistake, they're forces of nature. They're grave. They're severe, just like heart disease, cancer and stroke."

For suicide to take place there are two things that need to develop within a person :
1. Death is inherently fearsome and daunting. Therefore, it requires a kind of fearlessness, a fearlessness specifically about physical pain, physical injury and death, in order to enact it. 

2. A mindset having to do with two ideas. One being that you are a burden to others and that you being around makes their lives less enjoyable. And the other is that you are hopelessly alienated. 

When you lose the fear of death and then develop the feeling of being a burden and being alienated, that is when the catastrophe occurs.

It is often said that suicide is selfish, but that is people trying to reason with the suicidal mind coming from a non-suicidal place. When you look at it from their point of view - that the people I care about will have better lives once I'm gone - then you can see that its not actually selfish at all. 

National Suicide Prevention Week 2013 - My Story

So today I'm going to share my story because its important for society to realize that its ok to have mental health problems, and its ok to talk about them. And that it is also more than ok to receive treatment when its needed.

If you've followed my blog, (or know about this part of my life) then you know that my freshman year of high school was really difficult for me. Well in 8th grade my parents took me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with A.D.D but also they found that I had another problem. I had what is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (O.D.D). It is kind of hard to wrap your mind around it unless you've really studied it or have experienced it. But basically you are stubborn but you don't have a choice in it. You HAVE to be stubborn. You HAVE to object to what authority figures tell you.

At first my mom thought it was just normal "teenager rebellion" behavior. But then it got really bad. And nobody else seemed to have as big of a problem with their kids as my family was having with me.
Every single day was a battle. Everyday we fought. And it was all because of me. But I wasn't aware of it.

So I would continue going to the psychiatrist and when I started having hardships in high school, I was then diagnosed with clinical depression. And I was really really depressed.

And for some reason when all my high school drama started, I began to to see that I was this difficult child. And I started to feel guilty for how I had been treating people. I still had some O.D.D - I couldn't control it, but I hated what I was doing to my family.

I have never once had thoughts of self harm, and I have never been suicidal. But I have had an overwhelming feeling that I was a burden to the people around me. That maybe my family would be better off if I wasn't around. I didn't want to make it so I wasn't around, but I did acknowledge that I was causing struggle within my family.

So with depression you aren't always depressed.  You can have phases. Sometimes, yes you will just be depressed for no reason. Other times, its just when sad things happen and you just get really really sad. Ive cried to the point that I threw up. I had days where I just couldn't stop crying. All I wanted to do was sit and cry and be sad about life.

Over time when you have depression you learn ways to help yourself out. It doesn't mean that you aren't as effected by the hard times that life brings, it just means you know how to get yourself out of you black hole of sadness.

Eventually I wasn't allowed to be in my room unless I was sleeping. My mom realized that I would go in my room and just cry. All day long. And when she figured that out my room became off limits. Because I needed someone to hold me accountable - someone to tell me to pull myself together and calm down. And left to my own devices, I would just dwell on things and become more and more depressed.

My O.D.D went away - it tends to do that as you grow up, and with some behavior therapy.

I took medicine for clinical depression up until my Junior year of high school, and then reduced the dose so now it is only treating anxiety. (Ive probably had anxiety since I was in elementary school, because I remember having times where I would be sick from worrying so much; but I only started getting it treated in high school.)

As of right now I am on a 30mg dosage. My junior year  in high school it was at 20mg. And when high school ended and I started college the dosage was at 40mg. All of those are considered anxiety dosages, when it goes up to 60mg that is considered a depression dose.

My freshman year of college was hard. And I probably did get depressed. But it wasn't clinical. I started having sessions with my psychiatrist more often, but I wasn't re-diagnosed because I had learned a lot through my past experience with it.

When I was most recently broken up with, I spent three days crying on the couch at my parents place. But that was it. Just 3 days. After that I forced myself to be bigger than the sadness. I knew life would go on, and that I was wasting away the precious time we are given to live our lives.

I know I was made to be happy. I am a very happy person when life is going right. But when it gets hard, I change. I am visible sad. And I know that it effects the people who care about me, so I have decided that I need to hold my self accountable so I don't make the people around me sad.

I am not ashamed or embarrassed by it. I am proud to be who I am and I am forever grateful for the treatment I have received and continue to receive.

Your Story is Important

This week is national suicide prevention week. To Write Love on Her Arms has made a schedule of what each day will be devoted to this week and today is "Your Story is Important"

Before I start this long post (which is 100% worth reading) I want you to know that if you would like to talk to me about this, I am here for you to talk to. My email is on the right hand side under my picture. And I will be here for you to talk to. I want to help in any way that I can.


Suicide used to be the leading cause of death among people ages 15-24 but now it has changed to the leading cause of death for people 15-49.

 “[Suicide] now takes more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined" (TWLOHA - Newsweek Covers Suicide).


Unfortunately the society we live in has come up with many lies about people who are effected by mental illness and people who are suicidal. This stigma keeps us from sharing our struggles and seeking treatment when we really need it.

   "Perhaps it is the lie that suicide only affects people who are “messed up,” the idea that depression only reaches those who are weak, or even the belief that if we share our struggles with someone, they will not understand or care.  We have to learn that issues like depression, addiction, and suicide are not partial to weak people, but are struggles any of us may walk through, simply because we are human 
   It is within our society and culture that the effects of stigma are felt. These effects range from the silence and shame surrounding mental health issues to the oppressive attitudes toward those struggling, even influencing the way treatment options such as therapy and medication are viewed. The powerful stigma attached to mental health communicates an illusion of separation between those who struggle and those who don't—a false dichotomy between the healthy and the sick." (TWLOHA- Challenging Stigma). 


This all needs to change. We need to learn to be accepting of people who have mental illness. We need to understand that it is very dangerous when people go without treatment for depression and other mental health problems. It is ok to talk about your problems. Its actually not ok when you don't talk about them.

There are a lot of excuses you can come up with as to why you don't want/shouldn't go to/don't need treatment

•  Even if you cannot afford to go to a psychiatrist or counselor, there are other avenues. At my university they offer counseling to students, and your first session is free. And after that, if you cannot afford to pay the fee for additional counseling session, they can refer you to a counselor training program where you go and see a PhD student and you pay $20 one time and you can go to 1 session a week for an entire semester. Go to a church and ask to speak with a pastor. You don't have to "be a Christian" to go. They are they to help you. They might know someone in the church who can help you out free of charge. 

• Your family doesn't "acknowledge mental health problems." Wanna know what I have to say about that? Who cares. You've acknowledged that something isn't right, and you need help. When peoples families don't acknowledge mental health problems (or the person thinks that their family doesn't acknowledge it/they don't care) things like school shootings happen. People are bullied and hurt and don't have anyone to confide in and then innocent people die. I'm not saying that happens in every situation, but it can happen and it will continue to happen as long as our society views depression and other things along the lines of that as taboo. 

• You think you're problems aren't that bad and its dumb that you're sad because there are people who have it way worse than you. Its not about other people. Its about you. There is something in your brain that is off, and that is why you are depressed. Sometimes it has to do with your situation, but everyone who has depression has a chemical imbalance in their brain. You might not have anything really to complain about, yet still have depression. And guess what. Your depression is just as important as someone who has depression and is in an abusive relationship.

•  You think that you will still be in a crappy situation even if you aren't depressed, and that will cause you to be depressed again. When you get treated for depression, you also get somebody to talk to. Someone to give you advise. When you aren't so down and out about life all the time, you can concentrate on ways to get out of your crappy situation, and go on enjoying life.

• You think you don't deserve to be happy. And this one is the biggest lie of all. Everyone deserves happiness. Some people think they just weren't meant to be happy. When someone tells me that I laugh at them because they are so wrong. We are all made to be happy. We are all also given hardships, and depression might be one of yours. But we are given these hardships to help us grow, and so we can help others around us who are fighting the same fight. Happiness is easy to find when you want to find it. But when you are depressed, you don't want to leave your room, so you don't find anything to be happy about. Its insane how many things there are to smile about. If you cant think of anything go find a puppy and I'm sure you'll be able to find happiness there. 

• You don't have time because you have more important things to deal with. No. Absolutely nothing is more important than this. School might be something you need to dedicate your time to so you can have a successful career in the future. Guess what. If your depression gets so bad that you are suicidal, and you end up killing yourself, then your future is gone. When you get treated for depression you are making the biggest investment in your future that you possibly can make. And school work gets easier after that. You aren't spending so much time thinking about how miserable you are, and it becomes so much easier to accomplish the things that are important to you. 

Inspiration List - Impact Your World

So last night I made the mistake of going on Facebook before I went to bed. And of course my feed is full of pictures from your going away dinner last night. Which I actually didn't have any idea about until 7pm and I also didn't realize you were actually moving back East. Huge curve ball right in my face. Anyways the reason going on Facebook was a mistake is because I couldn't stop crying. Probably for a good hour. I was going to write this post then but I was really tired and thought this wouldn't help me falling asleep. 

Side note - this post doesn't follow the order I was going in but it needs to be shared now so I will resume with my regular order after this post. 

Last time our youth pastor left I was absolutely devastated. So devastated that I refused to meet our new one for a few months. I didn't want anyone to replace Jared and I didn't think anyone could live up to my expectations. (Jared if you're reading this don't worry there is going to be one about you soon!)

One night my parents decided to have our new youth pastor and his wife over for dinner, and that night I decided I wanted him to be my new best friend. 

This happened some time in the Summer of 2010. And little did I know at that time - he was going to become one of the most influential people in my life. 

Theres a statistic like 80% of all high school graduates that attend church stop attending church once they graduate. And if it wasn't for you I would be part of that 80%. 

I believe in God today because of what you have taught me. 

I don't know that I've ever been able to look at someone and say "you can see how much love they have for this," with just about everything they do. But with you its there. 100% - everything you do there is love pouring out of your heart and soul and it inspires me so much. Whenever you talk about your students I feel renewed in my love for helping them. I want to be  just like you in those moment - I want people to see how much love I radiate for the people around me. 

And how you are with Laura make my heart sing. You love her so much. And everyone knows it. The other day I got an email from you and one of the recipients was "Sweet Cheeks." It might be silly to some people but its just another example of you radiating love. One day I hope that I can be in a relationship where the love is that apparent. 

And to Laura - I have been so excited to start spending more time with you. I feel like I'm finally starting to get to know you better and I love the person that you are. I know it took some time for you to get used to being the pastors wife and having it be the super outgoing youth pastors wife probably didn't make it much easier. But I love watching you interact with your girls. You are such an amazing role model and they all have such an amazing time with you.  

I love that our youth group was called Impact. It fits you perfectly. You impacted us all so much. You told us to impact the world around us - to inspire people to be the best that they can be and to show love in everything they do. And now more than ever I can see how perfectly you lived that out. 

I have gone through many "life" moments that make you want to just give up on everything and stop having faith. But you have been there for me in all of those moments ready with the perfect advise to help me persevere and keep my chin up. 

My freshman year of college was so hard for me but coming to Impact on Sundays helped me remember how many people cared about me and how much love I was surrounded with. I was ready to give up on God, but you kept that from happening. 

I said it before in one of my posts. But I credit the church for who I am today. Without MMCC I wouldn't be someone that I'd want to be around. And right now, I can say I love who I am. And most of that is because of you. You have helped me learn to surround myself with people who are loving and inspirational. And these people are around because of you. You have so many leaders for your students and we all are there because we believe in you and your mission. You helped me become a leader and you've shown me that I too can impact the world around me by doing everything with love. 

At our most recent beach camp we talked about Mother Teresa's quote - doing small things with great love. And I believe with all my heart you did more than that. You did great things with great love. And because of that you have changed so many peoples lives. 

I told my girls at camp that they could be there during the leader meetings so they could hear you talk about your students. And how much love he has for each and every one of them. I think its incredible how much I can see love just pouring out of you when you talk about them. 

I think I could make this post go on forever. Thats how many things are going through my mind about how much you have done in my life. 

I was heart broken when our last youth pastor left. And I should've known that my heart would be broken this time as well. 

So 

Ryan Chaisson 

This one is for you. 

Ive been blessed to have experienced so many things with you. From your first dinner at an Arizona family's house to you meeting your sponsor child. 

And besides you being this amazing loving person, you also happen to be one of the funniest people I know. 

When I first met you I didn't consider you an adult. Over the years you have grown so much and even though you will always be a kid at heart, I now can see that you in-fact are an adult (you're welcome you are now officially an adult in the eyes of a 20 year old - incase you weren't aware of the fact that you were in fact an adult.)

I know you already know this but just incase you have forgotten - God has huge plans for you. Even though you have already accomplished so much in your life, you have so many more incredible journeys ahead of you. I know you have had your fair share of curve balls thrown at you. And you have taken them with a smile on your face and faith in your heart and thrived in every way. 

Everything Jesus did was traced to the root of love and with all my heart I believe the same can be said for you. 

Ryan's first beach camp - Summer 2010

I pray that you never forget how wonderful you are. 

Regardless of circumstance - you are so loved